What were you thinking?

Do you ever feel like asking God that question? What were you thinking? I do every time I see a bug. I know, I know. Birds need to eat. I've heard that answer plenty of times. But he's GOD. He decided what the birds needed to eat. He could've picked something else. This morning as E and I went out to the pool I spotted a bug that made me ask that question over and over again. I don't think I've stopped asking it yet. I normally try to hide my fear of bugs in front of E because I don't want to transfer such a silly fear over to her if I can help it. There was no hiding it today! I had to explain to her that mamma was afraid of that bug. I called C and he told me to kill it. Why didn't I think of that. (Read that with a sarcastic tone, please.) His exact words when my voice was trembling on the other end trying to explain to him what the bug could do to me if I tried that was "it's just a bug". Well this bug wasn't just a bug. But it was sitting on the ladder that goes in the pool and I had promised my three year old that we were going to go swimming so I had to face my fear. I took the thing we clean up leaves with and was very thankful it was sitting on the end of a very long stick. I slowly moved it closer to the bug and prayed out loud for God to help me do this. I squeezed the bug between the thing I was holding (sorry, the word has slipped my mind) and the ladder. It wiggled, trying to get free. I stood there for a long time and the thing wouldn't die! It finally almost succeeded so I pushed it into the water where if floated around. Do you think the thing would drown? Of course not! So after watching it float around the pool about 5 times I had to rescue it so we could go for a swim. I threw it in the bushes. The whole time we were swimming I kept expecting it to fly back and hurt me just because I hurt it. You can only imagine my fear every time a leaf touched me. And my swim suit has all these strings to tie that float around in the water and keep touching me. Made me jump several times. And then a little bug actually bit my neck. I'm sure he was a friend of the nasty, big bug.

I must mention that as the bug was floating around in our pool I asked out loud "what is that?" to which E replied "It's a bug, mamma" with her cute little voice. "I know it's a bug, sweetie. I just don't know what kind it is", I said. She answered "It's a big one". =)

So what kind of bug was it? I have no idea. It looked like a mix between a cockroach and a moth (it had ginormous wings) and it was as big as my hand. I snapped a couple of pics with my phone, but it's not a great camera and I didn't dare to get too close so I don't know if you can tell either. I'll post them anyways...