Happy Birthday, babe! I love you!!!!!!!!!!

so sad

WARNING!!! If you're sensitive you should not keep reading.

We had just had a wonderful dinner at a popular steakhouse and was sitting in the car in the driveway trying to take a left when we heard a "thunk", as C describes it. I look up and there in the middle of the busy road lies a dog. C and I get out of the van and he walks over to the dog and calls 911. I'm standing in the middle of the road waving to the cars to stop. (E is watching the Wiggles in the van.) The cops show up really fast, and C tells them what happened, about the truck that just hit the dog and took off. The dog tries to stand up but tips right over. It's in pain and shivering from the cold. It tries again and as it turns its side to me I see the wounds... big, round, red flesh wounds. The dog walks over to the curb side and dad tries to block it from walking back out on the street again. Then the adrenalin kicks in and it takes off towards the parking lot. That's the last that we saw of it. Lots of policemen were showing up and they were watching the dog, waiting for animal control to show up.

I'm not very sensitive when it comes to someone telling me about things like this. I feel bad for the animal, but it doesn't haunt me or anything. Seeing it though was totally different. I think at one point I squealed as the dog fell over and landed on his wounds and it was hard holding back the tears as we drove home.

Letting go

Around 11:30 pm is when it starts every night. I'm talking about E's night terror attacks. I just took care of one, not as bad tonight though. Probably b/c we started the "special stop the night terror" night routines tonight. After she calmed down I went back to bed but I'm wide awake now. And I got this image in my head that I can't seem to shake. So that brings me here... to write it down so I can get it out of my head. That's how I work. I have to write things down. It helps me understand, learn, hear things better... Anyways... here's my little image (or whatever I should call it):
I was walking around, carrying my burdens on an old yoke. It had all the things in it that I just couldn't stop worrying about or that I was so concerned about. And Psalm 55:22 says “Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you...” So I walked up to the Lord. I didn't really see Him, but I was on a beach with lots of oval, smooth rocks. (I can explain that one but I'm not going to chase that rabbit right now.) I put down my yoke in front of Him thinking "Oh this is nice. Now I don't have to worry about this anymore". And as I was about to walk away I picked up the yoke again. It's not easy to let go of concerns. So I went back and tried again. It still didn't work. So I started thinking... "I have to put them in His arms. He is strong and will not let me walk away with them". Ha! I walked away and was still carrying my old yoke. I just couldn't let it go. And I remember thinking... "But this wasn't suppose to happen. God is stronger than me". But if I'm still pulling on one end He's not going to pull on the other like it's some tug of war. I have to let go, cast my burdens. I can't ask Him to take care of it and then keep worrying. That's lack of trust. Why is it so hard to let go and let God? I guess b/c I think I'm in control. Hmmm.
OK. I wrote it down. Back to bed...

October 26th

Grattis på födelsedagen, lillebror!

Good Morning

I'm the only one up and it's so nice and quiet. Well, except for the high heels (?) upstairs. Last night wasn't so quiet though... K's TV was loud again. She said I could call her if it happened again, but I don't really feel like talking at 1am. So I texted her. I'm not so sure she texts.
E wasn't sleeping very well either. She hasn't for a few nights now. And there seem to be a few reasons...

• She's got this awful rash going on that we got a creme for so that should be gone soon.
  
• Her reflux seemed to be getting better so we started to cut down on the medicine. It was working great up until a few days ago when it came back full force, waking her up all the time. So we upped her dose again. (When we took her to the UC yesterday the doctor on call didn't listen to this at all. When the reflux is bad and she's sleeping it makes her gag and choke and that makes her cough. I guess all she heard was cough and called it a virus and hurried to her next patient. Well, at least we got a creme for that rash.)
• She might be getting her 2 year molars. She is chewing on everything and seems to be in pain. (or maybe the doctor was right and she has a cold sore or something. But she looked in her mouth - for 1 sec - and didn't say anything.)
  
• I think her night terrors are back. Not fun! She just screams and not even the paci helps. She refuses to take it. I think it time to start the "prevent night terror - night routine" again. (Once again the dr said she's probably just scared from choking... She doesn't choke all the time she wakes up screaming! If you listened to me you would get more info. I hate it when doctors don't listen to all the info, when they don't even let you tell them everything b/c they have already made up their minds and really just wants to get on with the next patient. Good thing that I listen to myself and came up with all these other diagnoses instead =) Well, not much else to do when you can't fall alseep.)

Well, since E might have a virus (maybe she does, but I'm not so sure, don't want to chance it though) I'm not bringing her to church. C will stay home with her. I'm so excited! I actually am going to get to sit down for a whole service. No nursery will call b/c E is crying. Yay! And I decided to go to late service b/c it's baby dedication today.

OK, breakfast time...

time to vent

I'm so annoyed at myself right now for forgetting to turn the volume off on my phone during E's naptime. It was on "medium-high" right outside her room when the phone rang causing her to wake up 45 minutes early. Am I allowed to say CRAP! ?

small victory

As I'm driving home from the mall I'm actually excited about coming home, putting E down for a nap and working out. I finally have enough space to use my equipment from that infomercial (yeah, haha) so it's fun to work out. I guess being excited about it is a victory in itself, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I actually ended up with a pounding headache so jumping around in my livingroom was out of the question. And then I realized that even though I can't do my cardio I can still do my ab workout. So I did. I had a bad headache and I still worked out. I did not use it as an excuse, but adjusted my routine. That's my small victory.

Confession time... I ate 2 pb/chocolate cookies. The last two. That's my weakness: if I have it I eat it. (note to self, buy a veggie platter - w/o dip - next time I go shopping.)

Want to hear something funny? I actually only ate one cookie, but there's one left and I'm going to eat it now...

3 for today

1. I just finished my cardio and my ab workout. The accountability here really helps motivate me. I still haven't found my weights, but I have a feeling I won't need them for a little while. The cardio workout went a little bit better this time. I kind of got the first half of the steps down. The other half still frustrates me. But I have hope...
2. I got my allergy shots again. E plays so well there. I got to read a magazine. And I found a couple of neat things. The first one was about teaching your children to eat right using the "helpful hand method". Make a fist... this is the amount of carbohydrates you should eat. Spread your fingers out. This span shows you how much fruit and veggies you should eat. (You are allowed to eat more.) Look at your palm. This is your protein portion. Finally make an OK sign with your thumb and pointer finger. This is your fat limit. Pretty cool!
3. The other thing I read was a funny thing to do with your phone number... First step is to multiply the first 3 numbers (not your area code) with 80. Add 1. Multiply with 250. Add the last 4 digits of your number (as a four digit number). Add them again. Take away 250. Divide by 2. What do you get? Also pretty cool. At least if you enjoy math as much as I do.

That was my 3 for today.

the best video ever

You just have to check out my FB profile. I posted the cutest video ever. E is dancing along to the Wiggles.

updates from earlier today

E: Even though she slept so much this morning she still took a looong nap... 3 hours. She woke up at 5:30 pm.

Workout: I worked out. I did a cardio workout and an ab workout. I could not find any of my weights, and even though it felt weird doing some of the exercises without them it was probably for the best since I haven't worked out in so long. I must admit I was really annoyed for a while during the cardio b/c there were so many moves and they were so fast. I guess I have to keep doing it often to learn... for accountability reasons again... I'll keep you updated.

crazy calm morning

I woke up around 8:30, I think. I stayed in bed for a few minutes and when I checked the time it was 8:39. I was wondering what was going on with E so I checked on her. She was playing quietly in her crib, which she usually does for about half an hour after she wakes up every morning. I prepared her meds and sat down with the computer. But E never called on me to let me know she was ready to wake up. At 9:20 I checked on her again, she was sitting up, but laid down. I went to get myself ready. Ten minutes later I was done and E had gone back to sleep! She slept until 10:20. This totally threw me off. I didn't know what to expect for the rest of the day. Would she even want a nap? By 1:45 she brought me her bedtime book (the one we read every night before she goes to bed). I asked if she wanted a nap and she ran to her room. I didn't want to put her down just then, thinking she would only take a very short nap. I gave her some milk and she was up until 2:30. It's 3 o'clock right now and she's sleeping peacefully in her crib. I love it when I get a break like this.

Ok, so here's my workout update I promised. (I've been dreading this.)...
The early morning walks have not started yet. I need to go to bed earlier! I figured I could get up when C gets up, but I don't even hear his alarm. Maybe if I promise to keep you updated I will be too ashamed every time I have to write that I still haven't started that I eventually will get my act together. So... I'll keep you posted.

sleepless

I can't go to sleep. We've tried to make 10:30 our bedtime for awhile now and failed miserably every night. It's been 11:30 or later most nights. And so tonight we decided to go to bed early since C is not feeling so well. So we were in bed by 9:30ish. That's two hours earlier that I'm use to. Needless to say I'm awake. My thoughts are all over the place and when that happens I know it's better to just get up and do something. So here I am. Trying to sort my thoughts...

• I need to start working out. Just do something. Easier said than done when there are no grandmas around. So what works for our schedule? Well, since I never know when C is going to be home and how long he'll be working on the house when he gets back from work that leaves early mornings and E's naptime. Well, naptime is just not a very great time either since I don't want to wake her up with "the pain the pain the beautiful pain " (sorry for making fun of your navy seal workout video, honey). And I don't really want to cramp more stuff into the naptime. So, mornings... Not my favorite time. I have to be back by 6:30 at the latest. I did set my alarm for 5:15 tomorrow so i could go for a walk. You know, since I was suppose to go to sleep early. We'll see how things go tomorrow. I'll keep you posted. I'm pretty sure when 5:15 comes around I think I can fit everything into naptime. But hopefully I can still drag myself up and go for a walk and then come back and do some crunches, push ups and lounges or something. At least it fits our budget since it's free.
• Ok, enough about the workout. That was just one of the things I was thinking about. I also think I need to be in "What not to wear" since I don't really know how to dress in my new muffin top body. Yes, I lost all the weight from the pregnancy months ago, but my body is just different. You probably only understand this if you've been pregnant. But seriously, nothing fits. I need to learn what to wear. Shopping is just to frustrating otherwise. Which means that I don't do much of it. How many of you have husbands that complain about how you don't go shopping enough? I do! And he's right. I still wear clothes I bought before I moved here. I moved here over six years ago. They are so out of style.
• So, I guess the first two kind of went together. Work out so I can fit into better clothes so I can go shopping again. Something like that. Well, the next thing I started thinking about was, well I can't write about that, but after that i started thinking about this thing my mom was talking about a year ago. I can't even spell it. But it was some sort of lifestyle thing, whatever. Some thing from India I think. Or maybe I just thought it sounded like that. Anyways... They said that asthma, which we consider a chronic thing here, is the easiest thing to cure. I should look into that. So it's probably pretty far from western medicine, but since E has asthma, don't I owe her to at least check out what they're talking about?
• I'm homesick. I thought about that too. I want to hang out with friends and family back home. At home. No offense to you guys who live here. Love you too.

Ok, I just have to interrupt with this... my spell check stopped working and I'm writing far too much to even try to think about how to spell things.

• I know that C is working overtime on this house and things that needs to be done before winter, and the next thought is not meant to stress you out, honey... but I can't wait for the visable things to be done. Partly b/c I want them done and partly b/c since they're not super duper important I know that once we have time for them it also means that when they're done thing will start to slow down and we can just hang out.
• What to do about Saturday... movie, game night, nothing. Can't make the decision now. Need more info. It's bugging me. I want to figure it out.
• I miss E. Yes, she's sleeping in her room and no, I would not want her to wake up. But I love her so much I just feel like I miss her when she's sleeping. Like I just want to crawl down into her crib and just snuggle with her. Haha, I just pictured that in my head.

Ok, I think that was as far as I got before i decided to get out of bed. Can you see why I'm sleepless. Too many thoughts, too many weird thoughts. Well, at least I got these thought out of my head. Now I just have to keep them out. Maybe I'll read or watch little TV before I give that bed another try. Good night!

smokers aren't very bright

You really think Lysol will take away the smoke odor?

7lbs 5oz, 19½"

I'm an aunt again. I'm so excited and I wish I could be there. I did get to hear L over the phone. She's loud! I love her already! And I can't wait to see pictures.

Congratulations B & S!

October 13th

Grattis på födelsedagen, lillebror!

E's blog...

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(I just found this in my drafts)

what a waste, summer is back and I'm a babe

what a waste...
Our driveway and parking area was going to be redone today so C took the day off. It's now 1:52 pm and they still haven't showed up. Or called. We have left messages, but have not heard back from them. We had all of our tenants park on the street. When will they be here? What day will they show up? We can't ask our tenants to keep parking on the street. And C can't just take days off of work in case they will show up.

summer is back...
well, not really, but it is a beautiful fall day. I'm back in flip flops, short sleeves and capris (sp?) This is better than summer. No humidity. I love it!

I'm a babe...
;-)
I wrote before about how E calls C babe instead of daddy. Well, she calls me babe too. Yes, it's cute, but I prefer daddy and mamma.

new boots

I found another pair of boots for E for Halloween. They're not brown (my favorite color) like the ones I bought yesterday. They're beige, but they are still very cute, and they cost less than half of what I spent on the brown ones.

The dress is dark brown, but the thing that goes over it is beige so the new boots will be perfect.

..............................................................................
Grattis på födelsedagen mamma!

Babe

So C and I have been calling each other babe for as long as I can remember. Well, I guess I have to stop. E stopped calling C daddy and started calling him babe. It's kind of funny and cute when you first here it, but.....
.....seriously kid, you have to stop! =)

Almost perfect - what should I do?

I found them! The perfect boots for E's Halloween costume. Well, almost perfect. They are a little tight around her legs, but she didn't seem to mind. She was running around in the store with no problem. And the other ones we've tried can't even be zippered even though I tried a size 7, which is 1½ size too big and she can't walk in them. So I would say these fit pretty well. The other problem is I payed more for them than I would pay for a pair for me (I am cheap though, so don't think I spent a fortune).

Here are the reasons I bought them...

• They actually fit.
• I have 90 days to make up my mind. I can always return them if I change my mind, but at least I have them as a back up. ( I always wait with buying things so that I'm sure that I want them and when I go back to the store they're gone.)
  
• I love what she's going to be for Halloween. This might be my last year deciding. Next year she will be almost three and might want to pick out her own costume. And little girls tend to pick out the cute princess costumes. Not my style. I might as well splurge while I like the costume.
• She will be SOOOOO cute.
• They actually match some other outfits she has and can be worn before and after Halloween.
  

a new night time habit?

So for about a week now this has been our night time schedule:

• regular bed time routine
• put E down
• everything's ok for a couple of minutes
• E whines to let us know she has a wet diaper

This means we go through two night diapers every night. What do I do? Do I put her in a regular diaper first and chance her falling asleep and leaking through, or do I keep wasting an expensive night diaper?

thoughts

I just read something about how it can feel like God is distant from us when we go through trials, but that is not how I feel at all. One thing after another seems to go wrong with this house and everytime we're happy about a step forward we end up being pushed two steps back. But I still don't feel like God is distant. He is right here next to us, taking care of us. He is in complete control. But it's still frustrating because I know that He is letting us go through this when He could just make it stop and let us breath. I know He has his reasons and maybe one day He will let us understand, maybe not. That doesn't really matter. I just pray that we will learn quickly what we need to learn and that we can start moving forward. I can't wait for the day when we can look back at this and say "we're so glad that is behind us now".

Hmm, writing this just made me realize something. Wow!
I really need to talk to C about that. Things might start to make sense.

third day without C... so far

Well, the day isn't over yet, but I just have to vent.
Because of last nights TV incident I woke up very tired. As I was getting ready for MOPS I hear this drip, drip, drip sound. The upstairs shower is leaking. Not from the old spot, the putty is still holding up. From underneath their shower. My solution... move the bucket. I'm so grateful C will be home tomorrow, but I also feel so bad for him. This just adds to the stress.

Oh, I have to write this down, because this really bugs me... so the girl with the loud TV after midnight... she wants to sleep until 1:30 pm on Saturday so she asked if we could be considerate and not fix the leak right then. (I know she has her reasons for her weird sleeping schedule and the TV being loud. It just cracks me up that we should be considerate when we need to fix something, but she's just watching TV.)

So to MOPS... not so sure yet. I'll definitely give it another try, but I spent most time in the nursery taking care of my kid with separation anxiety. I don't really care if I get to do a craft or not, but I would really like to listen to the message. Maybe I should just sign up for nursery. I don't know.

We had lunch with my father-in-law after MOPS. E was being kinda cranky. She was so tired. I actually had to wake her up almost an hour early to get to church on time. She started sleeping until almost 9 in the morning. And I figured I'm not gonna fight that too much since daylight savings time will end soon and then she will wake up at 8 again. Great!

She did not want to go down for a nap today. She was standing up in her crib just crying. Until I gave her a pillow. She laid right down and fell asleep. Her little bottom sticking up in the air. She's so cute.

Well, that's my day so far. Hopefully the afternoon will be better. I should go get some rest. I'm not a nap person so maybe I'll put in a movie.

Mr Heckles

So freakin' annoyed right now. The TV upstairs was so loud I could hear the words. We've asked them before to turn it down. That wasn't just for that night. Keep it down! It's after midnight for crying out loud. I didn't feel like walking out and upstairs to knock on their door so I got the broom out and banged it on the ceiling. I had to do that several times before they turned it down. A little. I can still hear it. I just want to go to sleep.

I just had to vent. I'm going back to bed now. And hopefully I'll fall asleep this time.

Second day without C

I got my allergy shots today. The right arm itched. The same injection as the last time. I have to mention that to them next week. E played in the kids corner of the waiting room. She used to really enjoy it. Now she gets bored quickly. I guess that's to be expected though. We're there for 30 min once a week.

We played a lot this afternoon. Well, first we cleaned and organized the play area and then we played. She wasn't so cranky this afternoon. Yesterday, when I was trying to keep her occupied I found some brand new Curious George books in our book shelf that I think we actually got as part of a wedding gift. Yes, wedding gift. Anyways... I read one to her, we snuggled in great grandpa's old chair. And today she remembered. She came up to me to get my attention and then she walked over to the shelf and pointed up and at first I was thinking "there is nothing fun for her in our shelf" and then I realized that she was pointing to those books. I took one down, we snuggled in the same chair as I read about George and some puppies. And then she read it to me. So cute. I love her so much.

We got to talk to C before he went out to dinner. She got so excited again to see her daddy on the screen.

That was pretty much our day. We didn't do much, but it was a good day. Tomorrow we start going to MOPS. I'm going to have to wake her up to get there on time. Not looking forward to that. I am, however looking forward to...
...some kid free time (hopefully she does good in the nursery)
...C coming home in 2 days
...a good nights sleep - good night!